What Did We Do?
by Demonic Little Sister
Summary: Deathfic! Yaoi! After the War and after they distroyed their Gundams, life took a damatic and deadly turn for the Gundam Team. What does Duo do the love of his life dies?


What Did We Do?

            I can just imagine how you found this note. Covered in blood, my body lying limply over the black, cold sheets of the bed that used to belong to us. The bottle that used to be filled to the rim with poison, broken against the wall. I know it will be there because I threw it there. The poison takes a good hour or so to kick in. that's why I waited 'til the three of you left for the day before I did this. I didn't want to be stopped. I will write to you all until I am gone. 

            First I feel it is my duty to tell you why I left you all in this manner, and why I have the song playing in the background. Well the song was Heero and my song. It is "Rock 'N' Roll Suicide" By David Bowie…. Isn't it ironic that I kill myself to a song that has "suicide" in the name? I got him obsessed with Bowie. We would spend hours together watching movies of his and making love to his music. I need to explain more about the life Heero and I had after the war before you will truly understand the way that I chose this to be my vice. My death. 

            The first few months after we sent our Gundams into the brilliant light of destruction, were really hard for Heero to handle. He would wake up in the middle of the night, sweating, and breathing deeply. It would take me a good hour and a half at first, to get him to tell me what was wrong. Then it would take me another two or three hours to get him to tell me what his horrid nightmares were about. Most of the time, he was back in his Gundam, in the heated depths of battle. Then he would see her again. Relena. He would jump out of his Gundam and run to her. But when he reached her, the bullet would go shooting through her chest. He told me that in his dream he would look down at his hand, and there would be a blood stained, smoking gun. He never got over that, you see. How she died. How he had to kill her. The look in her eyes stayed with him, until the end of his sorrow-bathed days. 

            I am sure you all remember how it happened? How they got to her? Brain washed her? Made her insane with hate and fear? How they made her attack him, and when that didn't work she went to the control room and started the explosion of the colonies? He had no choice but to kill her. There was no other way. He would pull me into a tight embrace and whisper in my ear how when he pulled the tiger he saw her mind come back to her. She knew that he was killing her, but she didn't know why. The last OZ rebels wanted it that way. They wanted her to die at his hand and to not know why. 

            Afterward he was a mess. It was the first time I had ever seen him show any sign of being human. And I didn't like what kind of humanity he was showing. He had lost his mind. He had been so strong through out all of his life… I guess it was just his time to break down. I guess it was just his time to be human. 

            I would sit with him every day. I would feed him, I would dress him, and I would clean the cuts he put into his own skin. I walked in on him once. He had his knife held up to his arm, the blade deep in his flesh, his thick, red blood trailing down his pale skin. I was able to get the knife away from him. I knew that when I wasn't there he acted insane. He would scream, curse, and cut himself… but when I was there he was quite… he was simple. No he was never simple, he was anything but. After that last cut, he stopped. I spent all the day and all the night with him, for six months. 

            I had just walked across the hall from Heero's room to mine, laid down and started to let sleep claim me when I heard his voice. 

            "Could I sleep with you tonight?" He asked in a quite voice. I turned over in my bed quickly and looked at him with my large violet eyes, and nodded slowly. That was the night when he told me that he loved me. He did it in a quiet way. Scared that I wouldn't love him back or afraid to tell me, for fear that I would leave him, as his lady love had. But no. I loved him back and I never left him. Never.

            After that night he had regained his mind. But he wasn't the same Heero that he used to be. He was much better. He was no longer, cold, stolid…the "prefect solider". He was, warm, caring, more open, and the prefect lover--as I stated before. He wouldn't always be open with me. When it came to his feelings or to Relena, he was about as open as he was before her death. I loved him so much. I had never loved anyone or anything as much as I had loved him. As much as I still do love him. I wanted to be with him forever. I never wanted to live the way I am now. I never wanted to go one day without him. I went 15 years without him…I wouldn't go another day. But I had to. I had to. 

            That day…that horrible day. It was five years after the night in my bed. Who ever knew that we only had five years? That's all we got. But in those five years we were so unbelievably happy. We would spend day after day in the park. Walking around the lake. 

            "This is where I want to die." Heero stated flat out, one warm summer day. "I want to die right here, underneath this big willow." I just stared at him as he looked gracefully up into the branches. He looked so beautiful, whom was I kidding? He was always beautiful! 

            "Isn't amazing?" He asked me. "How this tree can just grow? It must have had so much pain in its life. Must have gone through so much, seen so much death, seen so much blood. Wanted to die so many times, wanted it all to end. Been through so much. But it's still standing strong. It might not want to be, but it is. It is still there; it will always still be there…strong and tall. It will always be there. It is so beautiful…." He slowly let his voice fade off. How could he be so perfect? I slowly moved in front of him and pressed my lips against his soft and gentle ones. It was heaven, pure heaven. We opened our mouth slightly, just enough to let our tongues slip in and join one another in sweet romance. 

            We went back to that tree every day. We loved it there, almost as much as we loved each other. It was twilight, that same week as he showed me his beauty through the willow tree, the same week that we promised to never leave. It happened. We were sitting, holding one another under the beauty of the willow tree, watching the sunset and the stars rise. I had stood up, and was looking into the lake, my hands in the pockets of my blue jeans. The sound of a gunshot broke, at heart stopping speed into my thoughts. I quickly drop onto my stomach, and pulled my own gun out of the back of my pants. I shot the OZ rebel in the chest. I stood up as he fell to the ground dead. I should of known there was more then one. There was always more then one. I heard Heero yell, I turned just fast enough to see him as he crashed into my side, the last gunshot rang in the air, the force of the bullet hit him backwards into me, as he drove across my chest to save me. I fired my gun and killed the attacker before Heero and I went flying into the cold water of the lake. 

            "Wake up! WAKE UP! God! Please! Please! What did he ever do to you! What did we do wrong?! God! Please wake up! Please wake up! I can't go on without you! I can't live without you! I can't! Please I need you! I need you… I love you… God! Help me! Help me!" I screamed this over and over again, holding Heero's lifeless body in my arms, the clear water, stained red with his pure blood. I sat there for hours on end, just holding him, screaming, cursing, hating god, and crying…rocking back and forth in the knee-deep water holding my love. 

            I am sure you all remember the peaceful wake we had for him. One thing you all don't know is what I did afterwards, after we buried him under the beauty of the ever-watchful willow. I went to the church. I stood there at two in the morning, out of my mind with grief screaming at God again. 

            "WHY?! WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?! ALL WE EVER DID WAS LOVE EACH OTHER…all we ever did was love each other…BUT YOU! YOU TOOK HIM! HOW COULD YOU! I SERVED YOU! I-SERVED-YOU! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Doesn't it mean a damned thing to you?! DOESN'T IT!? I trusted you! I TURSTED YOU! I believed in you… I believed in you… but you did this… how could you? HOW COULD A GOD BE THIS UNFAIR?! BE THIS HORRIBLE!? HOW COULD YOU?! WHAT DID WE DO?!" I fell onto the church floor repeating those words over and over again, sobbing… "What did we do? What did we do?" 

            The tears are starting to run down my face again… I am so scared…. I just want to be held… why won't anyone hold me? Why? There's no one here to hold me. I would die a happy death in just a little while if I only had someone to hold me. That's part of the reason why I did this… The blood on this note is from the cuts in my wrists. When that didn't work to kill me I took the poison… I don't know which one is killing me. The bleeding has stopped, so I guess it is the poison. Do you all hate me now? Do you all wish that I am in hell by the time you find my body? I most likely will be. I have had way too much sin in my life. That, and Him letting Heero die is why I turned from God. Too much sin…too much hate. Please don't hate me now. Don't waste the rest of your lives hating me.

            Trowa, 

            The Dream Keeper.

Do you remember the one night that you came into the front room and I was sitting with the lights off, only the light of one black candle to cast the ever-lasting shadows on my face? You sat down in the chair across the coffee table from me and asked why I was awake and not in bed with Heero. I just stared at the flame for what seemed to be forever. Then I told you about my dream. He had left me, I told you. He ran away from me and left me standing in front of a burning church. My beautiful Heero ran away. Do you remember how when I started to cry you comforted me? I asked you to never tell anyone about my dream and you never did. You were my-The Dream Keeper. I'll miss you. Help Quatre to deal with this. I don't think he'll know how to manage. Hold him in long, tight embraces; whisper in his ear how much you love him. But don't ever promises not to leave him, because some day you will… or he'll leave you. And it will hurt only that much more if you promise to never leave him. Tell him to that some day you might not be together but no matter where you both are, you will always love him and will always want to be with him. Tell him how your heart breaks for him every day. How you want to be with him every moment of every heart-breaking day. Never forget me. 

            Quatre,

            The Strength,

It is my dieing wish that you will always stay that way. Never let that light in your eyes go out. Never die the way I did… first in sprit, and then have to end your physical form. And please don't ever turn Trowa away. Always be his angel. Always be there for him. He needs you. He'll always need you. He'll always need your help. He'll always want you. Always feel the same way about him. Never let him go! Always hold him tight. You have no idea how being on deaths door and losing my only love has made me look back on life and see my mistakes. Please don't make the same ones that I did. Please. You were so prefect that I can't think of anything else to say. Just make sure you and Trowa watch over WuFei, he'll need you both. 

            WuFei,

            The Light. 

You admit it, Wu-man! You need them! You know it, I know it and they know it. You have always tried to be so strong. You have always wanted to be the one that never died, the one that never broke. But I see. Don't think I don't. I see through you. I see through you to the soft underside that lies in your heart. You are about to break, aren't you? You're about to just fall down and give up. Don't. You have Trowa and Quatre, they'll never leave you. They'll always be there for you. You'll never have to be alone. Your wife would never want you to give up. I know that she is up in heaven waiting for you. And if I do some how make it to heaven, I'll make sure to send her your wishes. I know how badly you want to give up right now. I know how dark the world seems. But that's why you're still here. You're the light in the darkness. You are what's going to keep the other two going. You three are a pyramid, if one side falls, the rest will soon follow. Please be strong. 

            I can now feel the life slowly leaving me. The darkness is slowly eating away at the inside of my heart. I am so scared… I am so cold. I can hardly see the paper anymore. The regret is swelling up in my chest, it is hurting so bad, it is making it so I can't breath and my heart has no more room to beat, the regret is taking up all of the room for my heart to beat! I wish I wouldn't have done this. I wish you would walk through that door right now and save me. Will someone please save me? Will someone please hold me? PLEASE?! Please! Help me! I am so scared, I am so scared… so cold…I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I sorry, I am sorry.

            God… What did we ever do? Why did you cause us so much pain? Why are you making me leave the last three people who loved me? Why? You have taken so much. WHY! My mother, my farther, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, Relena, and Heero. And now you are taking me from the rest of my family. My three brothers; Trowa, Qutare, and WuFei. What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we do? What did we d

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I wrote this fic as a response to NightChild01 (my older sisters) challenge. I asked her if it was okay is I had it a suicide note and she said it was. Do you all understand the whole thing about Heero talking about the tree? It is about the Gundam team. Always standing strong, might not want to be, but is…. Get it?

            The last sentence is supposed to be that way… He died in the middle of the last word, if you don't understand.

            Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or anything to do with Gundam Wing. I also do not own the song mentioned in this fic, it is the pure brilliance of Mr. David Bowie…the line "five years, that's all we got" also belongs to Mr. David Bowie.

            Demonic Little Sister


End file.
